My boyfriend is the best man ever. I can't really explain it. Just take my word for it, he is. And I can never find enough ways to tell him so. How do you tell someone that without sounding too sappy or sounding unbelieving because you say it too much?
I wish I knew.
It hasn't been all roses over there in Iraq. Not that anyone thought it would be, but, he has his days. There are days where his unit co-soldiers get on his last nerve. When you spend all day with someone, everyday with the same people in and out, it's bound to happen. There are days when the mess hall is just a tired old cafeteria. There are days when he cannot call or email or chat. There are days and nights when the camel spiders are just too much to handle. He has times where he is just over it- over the cheating soldiers, the over-partying soldiers, the work he is doing, feeling like he is in a prison and pretty much everything that is Iraq.
This is when he looks to me, to center him and keep him from losing it. That is a bigger job than it sounds. Some days, I'm not feeling 100% and its hard to get it up for him. A one person cheerleading squad is a lot of work.
I try but sometimes I feel like I've failed him. Maybe it's because the only subjects I have to talk about are: what bar I went to, what restaurant I ate at, what party I attended, what I saw on TV. Then I catch myself. All this trivial crap that I'm boasting about is exactly what he misses and doesn't have. Then I feel like an idiot. A shallow idiot. So, then I clam up.
And then he starts up. Asking me for the most boring moments of my day, so he can escape in thinking of that. He wants to hear the most boring details and anything to keep him distracted. So, I get it back up for him.
Lately, it's been a lot worse. The closer we get to this come home date, the more its affecting him. I can hear it in his voice. I mean, he was fine in May. June was sketchy, here and there. But now, its like I'm talking to someone who is not my boyfriend. Someone else, someone who is unhappy. I was scared until he explained it to me.
He needs me. That feels great. So with that, I am promising to have it up for him whenever he needs it. And now, I cannot stop of thinking of all the things I want to do for him or have ready for his return. Today, I bought an Xbox game. Oy. Last Friday, I got him cufflinks. I want his car detailed. I want so much for him, to show him how much I do care and love him.
Now, if September could bust up through the calendar, we'd be good to go.